Dit is een satire over een Health Freedom organisatie waar je misschien wel eens van gehoord hebt!
Kreeg het toegestuurd van een goede vriend en wilde het jullie niet onthouden. Ik kon er wel om lachen en hoop jullie ook! De website adressen die in dit artikel staan zijn fictief en werken dus niet!
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NO, HERE! LOOK, LOOK! DONATE NOW! WE REALLY, REALLY LIKE IT WHEN YOU DONATE NOW – TO US!
BECAUSE WE’RE THE BEST
When we fly first class to distant exotic locations and stay at luxury hotels for pricey photo ops with people you’ve never, ever heard of (and never will again), we are doing all of that for YOU! Yes, as we lie in that soft cushy luxurious hotel bed, we are thinking about YOU! When we fly over those oceans in anything but Sardine Class, we are thinking of YOU! So, donate right away, it’s important to us.
After all, we are the ONLY real voice at FOODEX meetings even though we have absolutely no right to speak at the FOODEX meetings or to submit documents at FOODEX meetings. In fact, all we can do is sit in the remote section with other people right off the street and watch! But, we are still the ONLY real voice at FOODEX meetings because we told you so. And that makes it right! Because you believe anything so long as WE tell you! And tell you often. Don’t forget to donate by the way.
Oh, wait, we almost forgot to throw in some of those critical buzz words that will let you know that we are A-OK and one of you – Health Freedom, U.S. Constitution, Damn Politicians, Stupid FDA, Damn FOODEX, uh, Freedom, and Health Freedom again. So, now that that’s out of the way, let’s get back to what’s really at issue here for your Health freedom – DONATINg www.websitesoyoucangiveusmoney.com to us! And while you are DONATING to us, don’t forget to buy our special products because they are simply the best ever because the profits go to us! Now, what could be better than helping us?
Also, while you are donating to us do NOT forget to sign that urgent petition to the FDA telling them that whatever they have been doing for the last 14 years is evil and bad. Because FDA bureaucrats will listen to you. It is a demonstrated fact and, besides, we said so. DONATE NOW! We always win at what we do, thanks to YOU! After all we did not build the largest commercial enterprise spouting health freedom slogans without your gullibility. Thank YOU! It means less money to those evil health freedom organizations who do nothing but struggle along on small donations, flying to their stupid meetings like peasants in Sardine Class, staying at cheap hotels or with friends to save money, and refusing to let us play in their sandboxes because they know we are just in it for the money. Peasants! Peons! We never say anything bad about them because they are just stupid nitwits! We hate them. They don’t even know how to convert the health freedom cause into a cash cow! DONATE AGAIN HERE, RIGHT NOW! We won’t name names because we are above all of that but YOU know whom we are talking about. Those stupid people trying to make a difference for themselves and their families when instead there is so much MONEY that could be made. BUY OUR PRODUCTS NOW!
The Admiral Talks!
President, Naturally Solvent Foundation
Back when I was a little boy staring at goats, I knew that one day I would be doing something really, really important like making money. You know, in the military, the pay is not that great, so it gives you a real appreciation for the almighty Buck. Now that we have this business going, business has never been so good. Why, when I sit down in the morning with my piping hot cup of PANHANDLING ™ coffee , I just know that it will be a good day. When Dr. Lima and I go through our sales and donation receipts for the previous day, we can honestly chuckle and say “business has been good.” That and my piping hot cup of PANHANDLING™ coffee and my CAPTAIN MUNCH™ cereal help sustain me through my health freedom fighting day!
Well, I’ve got to get back to work, sticking my hand out in front of people’s faces – otherwise how do we rake in the big bucks? You know those disgusting health freedom people just don’t know how to panhandle. Is the Panhandling Movement dead? No Siree Bob! Not as long as I’m commanding this operation, or pretending to. Admiral Gluteus Maximus
Dr. Lima Bean
I recommend Captain Munch cereal because this is what I eat every day. And because we get a percentage of all sales. We are not paid a salary but that doesn’t matter because all of our expenses are paid by your money! So, BUY NOW ! Because we hate the evil FDA as much as you do, we deserve to earn money from your purchases. Yes, we really do hate the FDA. We spit on them, those idiots! Now send us your money so we can keep saying that. Thank YOU for making this important message possible.
Dr. Lima Bean
ALL DONATIONS ARE TAX-DEDUCTIBLE ALTHOUGH WE HAVE NOT PRODUCED ANY PROOF THAT THEY ARE.
: Tell Obama that you want your own personal live-in nurse & masseuse as your Government-Guaranteed right.
: Tell Congress You Want Safe, Private Jets to Fly You and Your Family Around the World!
: Force FDA to Make Your Food Out of Gold!
: Stop Compulsory Donating to Other Causes. : Tell Your Legislators to Oppose Spending Money on Anyone but Us!
Keep Our Pockets Lined.
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